Brangelina Is Not Adding A 7th Member To The Child Army

The bunk under Maddox’s in the child army barracks at Chateau Brangelina is where he makes all the fake limited-edition Beanie Babies he sends to his arch rival Jennifer Aniston. When Jennifer gets them in the mail, she hugs them so tight until they fall apart and out comes a note that reads: “Got you, bitch! xM.” Maddox gets her every time. Well, the good news is that Maddox doesn’t need to clear that bunk out to make way for YET ANOTHER baby who he will have to train to not travel unless Burro Brad is carrying them. Because Brad Pitt and St. Angie Jo are not adopting another baby even though she’s got a 7th “coordinates” tattoo on her arm. Every time St. Angie added another baby to her family, she got the coordinates of their birthplace inked into her arm.

St. Angie is in Libya today meeting with refugees and this picture of her had every pregnant goth mother running out to buy every black onesie before her ass does. But InTouch Weekly says that the coordinate on her 7th tattoo points to Brad Pitt’s birthplace of Oklahoma. The source says that Brad is sick of traveling all over the world like they’re Carmen Sandiego or some shit, so Angie agreed to sort of settle down in L.A. and got the tattoo to mark the occasion.

So Angie isn’t adopting another third world orphan, she’s simply adopting Brad! Wait. I guess that mean he’s moving into the child army barracks, which means that Maddox better clear out that bottom bunk after all. Shit. Why does St. Angie have to ruin everything!?