Charlie Sheen Did This In Chicago Last Night

You know that scene in Benjamin Button where Brad Pitt flexes his old man baby muscles in front of a mirror? The picture above is what it would look like if a brown headed, methed out Dennis the Menace tried to distract his dealer from seeing the stolen 8-ball stuffed in his chonies by reenacting that scene. I mean, can one have toddler meth hair, because that’s exactly what Charlie Sheen has. (I’m choosing to ignore the coke-eyed warlock cock in his pants. It’s always too early for that).

After 4,000 mad bitches (Who only have themselves to blame!!) ran the warlock and his goddesses out of Detroit, Charlie Sheen retooled (emphasis on tool) his Violent Torpedo of Truth show for Chicago last night. Charlie dropped his opening act, axed Simon Rex’s rap and instead gave the audience 90-minutes of a Q&A with some interviewer which ended in Charlie taking off his shirt and reading a poem. The Hollywood Reporter says that only 5% of the audience walked out and not one BOO was heard. It sounds to me like the Chicago audience knew they were about to be hit by a slow moving train driven by a brain damaged warlock, so they did they the smart thing by numbing themselves with enough mind-altering substances to put out a Lohan. If you’re going to suffer, you might as well be fucked up while doing so. The highlights from THR:

Sheen’s goddesses — Rachel Oberlin and Natalie Kenly– give each other a fast kiss onstage and then quickly exit.

A fan yelled “Trainwreck!” and Sheen responded, “Go back to Detroit, dude.”

Sheen asks the crowd: “Is it me or is it like a Cambodian outhouse in a heat wave up here?”

Sheen praised George Clooney as “fucking cool, so cool he’s a fucking robot.”

Sheen said he discovered the Internet and crack on the same night and then gave former Vice President Al Gore credit for inventing both.

Sheen asked a female audience member to remove her shirt. She demurred — but a man described by various Twitter users as “fat” complied — prompting Sheen to remove his own shirt and exchange it with the audience member.

The Chicago audience even gave Charlie a standing ovation at the end of the show. But I doubt that standing o was for Charlie. The only way they could keep from weeping into their open hands for using their hard earned money to pay for some shit they watched on UStream weeks ago was to stand up and clap.

And just for record keeping purposes, I WOULD NOT (Okay, maybe I would, but only if a blank check made out to cash was involved).