The sun is shining outside for me, which can only mean one thing: Anna Nicole Smith is smiling down from heaven after finding out that 24-year-old Crystal Harris is keeping her gold digging legacy alive by marrying an old bitch without a padlock around his $43 million fortune! Yup, Crystal isn’t warming her hands in the picture above because Hef hates it when she massages Bengay on his ass cheeks with cold hands. Crystal is doing the gold digger prayer and it worked!
In a couple of months, 84-year-old Hugh Hefner will mumble out an “I Do” to Crystal Harris before shuffling off to his corner to eat a can of weddin’ puddin’ and slowly falling into a temporary drool coma as his third wife toasts to her new position as the highest-paid nurse ever!
TMZ says that Hef still believes that true love is a real thing so he’s not going to ask Crystal to compromise her gold digging beliefs by signing away millions upon millions of dollars.
Hef is at the age where he just doesn’t give a fuck! Give him a pair of silky pajamas, a few Viagras stuffed in caramel squares, a conveyor belt full of barely legal titties and he’s happy!
Meanwhile, you know that unlucky sad dude from Albany who is putting on a fake smile as he watches his co-workers walk away with the $319 Mega Millions jackpot? Yeah, Holly Madison feels his pain right about now.