Zac Efron Is Fuzzy

April 1, 2011 / Posted by:

Zac Efron is softer than the newly grown follicles on a baby satin angora rabbit and prettier than a ballerina princess twirling under a glitter shower, which is why I’ve never really been into his ass like that. Too delicate. You just want to gently place him in a bud vase and sniff at him every now and again while you’re brushing your teeth. But I’m paying attention now that he’s glued some of Vanessa Hudgens’ keepsake pubes onto his face and spritzed his pits with bottled body odor (Zac does not grow pubes and he definitely does not sweat). If you bang your head against the desk a few times, squint and hum the theme song to Magnum. P.I., Zac sort of looks like a Bel Ami bottom porn star channeling Tom Selleck.

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