Lindsay Lohan Is A Sober Klutz

April 1, 2011 / Posted by:

You’ve been waiting for it (not really) and it’s finally here: Lindsay Lohan’s excuse for why she hit the sidewalk in front of NYC’s Motor City Bar at 2:30 in the morning. LiLo, whose everyday is April Fool’s, didn’t say that she has found Allah and was simply praying right there on the sidewalk. LiLo also didn’t say that Michael Lohan must’ve rubbed his voodoo tits together sending an evil spirit to push her on the street. And she didn’t says somebody slipped a weight into her coat. Nope. LiLo announced through Twitter, Facebook and TMZ that Jack Daniels didn’t push her off the wagon, because she didn’t drink. LiLo is simply a klutz.

A tornado of whiskey-scented delusion rose above LiLo when she quivered the fat colon tubes on her mouth about how the media continues to twist things around to make her look like a messy messy drunk. LiLo started her “I don’t even know what liquor smells like” tour by typing this out on Twitter: “funny how making a joke can turn into…. well, me falling and a story.. #twisted.” Then she went over to TMZ and said this: “I was NOT drinking, nor do I drink! I was with my brother, sister and friends. I was making a joke. They’re trying to make something out of nothing. Just because I’m out doesn’t mean I’m drinking.”

Yes, I’m jealous that 17-year-old Ali Lohan is partying in a NYC bar at 2 in the morning on a homeschool night. And yes, I believe LiLo (no, I don’t). If your lips were stuffed with 50lbs of delusion gel, you’d lose your balance and bust a BAM on the sidewalk too.

Here’s a few pictures of Lindsay Soberhan at a screening for Source Code in NYC last night. I see that Butch Crackidy is back to her hold thieving tricks! I’m talking about that fur she’s wearing. A fur that rightfully belongs to Kingston Rossdale! Taking fur from a baby? A new low…han.

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