Even Prince Hot Ginge’s farts are hot enough to blast through an immersion suit and melt the ice into an icy puddle. And after PHG awed the members of Walking with the Wounded by liquifying the hard ice with his fiery flaming nalgas, some of them jumped into the 1C salt water! Or as some of you with slumlords call it, a daily morning shower.
Once PHG crawled out of the worst Calgon bath ever, he said the words that will echo through my no-no for days to come: “It’s quite tight on the balls!”
This is one of those times where I wish that syndicated sitcoms from the 1980s were works of non-fiction. If this was the case, I would’ve asked Evie from Out of this World to stop time with her fingers and tap me on the shoulder, so that I’d unfreeze and take a kayak all the way to the North Pole. Then I would’ve floated on top of the ice water and waited until Evie unfroze time so that PHG could land right on top of me. Yes, I’d shatter into a million pieces the same way a hot glass casserole dish does when cold water hits it, but it would be a beautiful way to go.
Here’s the video of Prince Hot Ginge making ice cubes cum by swimming through them:
Is it weird for me to be jealous of ice water? I swear, I’m never going to be able to enjoy an ice cube now that I know it’s relatives once felt the heat of Hot Ginge’s crotch orbs and turned his peen into an arcdick. Backstabbing, homewrecking cunts.
Not all is lost, though. PHG still has 3 days left of his trek for charity through the North Pole. That gives me time to track down Evie and beg her to tell me that Out of this World was really a documentary. LIE TO ME, Evie!