GOOP: The Magazine
If you ask me, there’s only room in the world for one ice cold blonde cooking mogul who can’t even boil an egg unless she’s got a team of chefs nearby to help her (that one’s for you, Sandra Lee). Fishsticks Paltrow disagrees with me and the rumor is she’s about terrorize the magazine world the same way she slimed across country music. Fishy is James Franco-ing her way through life by trying to conquer every single medium from TV to movies to the Internet to music to print! The New York Post has heard that the halls of Hearst Publishing are filled with fake British accent whispers, which could only mean one thing: GOOPY IS JOINING THEIR FAMILY!
A source at Hearst claims that Fishy is in super secret talks with them about publishing her own food magazine. A rep for Hearst denies the rumor, but the source says that it is something they’re talking about. Shit could get TOO REAL next month if Fishy’s cookbook “My Father’s Daughter” becomes a bestseller. This could prove to Hearst that Fishy’s food magazine will sell.
Knowing Fishy, it will also be more than just food. Next to an article on 101 ways to prepare bottled water, she’ll list the top 10 pair of cashmere socks that won’t ruin in the washing machine if your weekend laundress accidentally throws them in there. It will be the perfect magazine for bitches who want to know what it feels like to be born into a millionaire family, marry a millionaire and become a millionaire yourself. I would say that it will also be the perfect magazine to pick up dog shit with, but Fishy will probably price it in pounds so none of us will be able to afford it.
If GOOP: The Magazine doesn’t work for Fishy, she can always name it Better Than YOUR Homes and Gardens.