Britney Spears’ Good Morning America mini-show aired today and I’ve seen her use more energy when walking to the car with a Venti Frapp in her hand. This was the laziest LIP SYNCH FOR YOUR LIFE I evah did see. Brit, you will not be returning to the Interior Illusions Lounge so please pack up your tuck and go (wrong show?). And yes, you fu(censored)ed it up.
The chances of Brit Brit singing live are about as slim as me making sense in a post. It’s not going to happen, so just deal with it. Because Brit isn’t using her energy on making her vocal cords yodel, one might think she’d put her all into dancing. Yeah, check NEGATIVE on that box too. When Brit kept mouthing the words “Would you hold it against me?,” I kept waiting for medical technicians to come out and hold defibrillator pads against her. Maybe that will pump some life into her rock hard boner bones. Brit was moving like an animatronic robot whose Dollar Store batteries are about to go dead. But you know, it’s wrong of me to think this.
BRIT BRIT must be exhausted. Think of all the hours, focus and raw emotions she spent on writing the songs for her new album! Oh, you say she didn’t write any of those songs? Okay, think of how she sang her weave tracks off in the recording studio and poured her heart out! Oh, you say that’s not her voice. You say it’s the chipmunk-ized voice of an analog answering machine from 1987? Oh, okay. Well, think of how she had to order a Frapp Kegi at Starbucks every single morning before going to the studio to listen to songs. SEE! Brit has earned the right to cacka mosey mosey mosey through a pre-taped performance! She’s got a lot on her mind (like ten pounds of Falcor hair).
If the Ambien injection above already wore off, here’s another one:
And another one. This one is extra-strength, so stay away from operating a motor vehicle or heavy machinery after viewing.