Blind Item Solved?

March 29, 2011 / Posted by:

A few days ago, there was a blind item about how an A turned C list music star is getting heat from her label to whore herself out for record sales by doing some ESCANDALOSO shit. The blind item said that if the singer refused to do this, the label was going to do it for her and leak pictures of her in some compromising positions. At the time I was really hoping it would be Dionne Warwick, because you know she throws an extra-special cunt eye royale when she’s got her seasoned goods out. Well, I gotta keep rubbing that lamp, because my wish is not going to come true this time. It looks like the answer is the broke down mess herself XTINA! If you guessed Xtina, come on down and collect your prize of nothing!

Radar reports that hundreds of R-rated pictures of Xtina partaking in some lukewarm ho shit at Nicole Richie’s party in Cabo and in bed with her leased whore Matt Rutler are making the rounds. The pictures from June to November 2010 are up for sale and the pimp is an unnamed dude who claims they were found on a memory card left in a fancy hotel in France where Xtina stayed. Radar, who has seen the pictures, makes it sound like you could see more slutiness on your auntie’s Facebook page. No lipstick-covered labia. No feeding her bare nipples with a JD bottle. None of that! This takes the extra R out of Dirrty. Here’s what Radar says some of the pictures show:

1. Xtina and Matt kissing in a bed.
Escandalo rating: zero out of 5 lipstick prints

2. Xtina with two naked man strippers at Nicole Richie’s party.
Escandalo rating: half of a faded lipstick print

3. Xtina pretending to suck off a dildo held by some dude.
Escandalo rating: 1 lipstick print diluted with a splash of tap water

4. Xtina sucking off a chocolate covered banana in some theme park.
Escandalo rating: 3/4th of a lipstick print on a plastic cup full of Mountain Dew

Escandalo rating: 50 OUT OF 5 LIPSTICK PRINTS!

Wash out everything I wrote above #5 with make-up remover, because I take it all back! Pictures of Xtina without make-up on? I did not know this was possible! This is something that not even Planet Earth was able to capture! A producer and a camera man camped out in her bathroom for 5 months and they never witnessed the wild Xtina in her unnatural state! Don’t let those pictures of Xtina without make-up fool you. Remember that make-up mask Jane Jetson wore whenever she answered the video phone in the morning? Xtina wears one of those to throw people off. Except it’s a SANS FARDS mask. Yup, she’s got a face full of paint underneath that.

If this picture gets out, it will ruin her for good. She’ll never be able to show her face in the MAC store in her basement again!

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