Ricky Martin Is Hell’s Ambassador

March 28, 2011 / Posted by:

And you thought you were a shoo-in for the position, but Ricky Martin beat your evil ass to it. You better forward your resume to the ambassador’s office in purgatory instead.

Over the weekend, Ricky Martin rocked out with his gay out in a major way at the opening of his Music, Soul and Sex world tour in San Juan, Puerto Rico, and not everybody was licking up the glitter that he was spreading. Wanda Colon Rolon, a religious crazy type who hates gays even though she’s got Top Chef lesbian hair, gathered up her followers and protested in front of the venue where Ricky was performing. Wanda chanted that since all of Ricky’s Puerto Rico shows are sold out, the entire island will be she banging with Satan in the underworld! Wanda then went wild in a Facebook rant that threatens all of us with a good time. Seriously, Megan Phelps better turn up the crazed hate, because Wanda’s broom is catching up to her.

This weekend Puerto Rico receives a man saved and brought from hell to the light, Nicky Cruz, while another one pretends to drag us all to hell. RM [Ricky Martin] has been proclaimed its ambassador (hell’s, that is). Puerto Rico wake up, everyone praise the lord. This is the island of the Lamb. Alert God.

The island of the lamb? Excuse you, Wanda, but until I see the lamb queen herself Mimi frolicking through the island of Puerto Rico, I beg to differ!

And my feelings about Wanda’s words are best expressed through this GIF of my spirit animal and hussynator Dionne Warwick throwing a walk-by shank eye and finger point on Celebrity Apprentice last night:

Wanda is really going to act like Ricky’s nipples aren’t burning the peroxide off the tips of her Kate Gosselin mop? Bitch is lying. Alert who’s ever in charge of punishing liars!

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