Ina Garten Will Grant A Sick Child’s Wish After All
Freddy Krueger was about to declare his obsession for oversized denim shirts, the Hamptons, lemonade cocktails and dick just so he could get closer to the Baresoul Cuntessa and learn how to crush the dreams of terminally ill children from THE MASTER! But Freddy can cancel his plans now, because Ina Garten tells The Los Angeles Times that she will find time in her OMGSOBUSY schedule to hang out with 6-year-old Enzo. Ina’s people (aka Flotsam and Jetsam) turned down the Make-A-Wish Foundation TWICE when the charity let them know that a boy with leukemia wanted to cook a meal with her.
But Ina swears on the pact she signed with the devil that the request never passed her desk (made of kitten bones). Ina’s people turned it down without her knowing and now she’s upset about all the hate that is raining down on her. Ina only found out about Enzo’s wish this past Friday when TMZ posted it.
Ina jumped on her demon mobile, backpedaled into her publicist’s office and told him to issue this statement:
“She contributes both personally and financially on a regular basis to numerous causes, including to Make-A-Wish Foundation. Sadly, it’s of course not possible to do them all. Throughout her life, Ina has contributed generously to all kinds of important efforts and she will continue to do so.”
Enzo’s family also posted a “LEAVE INA ALOOOONE” post on their website and asked everybody to let go.
Ina also said that she’s going to call Enzo soon and invite him to the Food Network studios in NYC to cook with her. And when he gets there, Ina is going to waddle out in a dolphin carcass coat and tell little Enzo that she just wanted to say NO to his face! Then she’ll lick up the tears coming down his cheeks and cackle into the night! No, no, no. Ina won’t do that. This was all just a misunderstanding! A misunderstanding that strangely smells like bottom shelf vodka, packaged shredded cheese, microwave brownie batter and minimal effort. Hmmm. Sandra Lee WOULDN’T! Would she?
