The following things have visited my inbox in the past 24 hours: sperm jeans, The Breast Milk Baby Doll, Abercrombie & Fitch’s padded bikini top for little girls and Jenna Rose’s new music video for “O.M.G.” (stands for Oh My GodcallCPSrightfuckingnow). I’m sensing an uncomfortable theme here. If you send me an email in the future, make sure to write “P.S. – Hi, FBI! Say hi to the wife and kids for me!” at the end, because they’re totally watching now.
Little 12-year-old (TWELVE YEARS OLD!!!!) Jenna Rose already became a bona fide supertween sensation with her first single “My Jeans” and she’s grown up really fast since we saw her a hot second ago. Jenna is dressed like Noah Cyrus’ answer to the Victoria’s Secret Angels and poppin’ it with her friends like they’re in the final audition for PedoBear’s dance troupe. This “have a seat over there” mess almost makes me miss the musical stylings and wholesomeness of Rebecca Black.
This is how the world REALLY ends.