Reese Witherspoon Got Her Ass Married Today

March 26, 2011 / Posted by:

As Ryan Phillippe says “til premature ejaculation does us part” to a random fuck piece he met this afternoon and Jake Gyllenhaal silently weeping into the wedding dream book he made with Reese Witherspoon, she handcuffed herself to her 40-year-old agent boyfriend of over a year, Jim Toth, at her fancy ranch on Ojai, CA today. Is her chin making his head look HUGE or has the bong smoke given me fun house mirror vision again? Developing….

One of the white doves from Reese’s wedding must be a speed racer, because it delivered all the details to UsWeekly in record time. Seriously, they got everything down to what he walked down the aisle to. That white dove don’t play.

Wearing a custom-designed Monique Lhuillier gown, the actress, 35, exchanged vows with CAA agent Toth, 40, in front of 120 family members and friends (including Renee Zellweger, Alyssa Milano, Robert Downey Jr., Salma Hayek and Tobey Maguire) in the front courtyard of the Ojai house.

Witherspoon’s best friend, Heather Rosenfield, served as matron of honor, and her kids with ex-husband Ryan Phillippe — daughter Ava, 11, and son Deacon, 7 — took part in the ceremony. The Oscar winner’s young nieces served as flower girls.

The “Tennessee Waltz” was the processional music for Toth and the kids, while Witherspoon walked down the aisle to “Here Comes the Bride.” The 20-minute ceremony was officiated by Reverend Jimmy Bartz, founder of Thad’s church in Santa Monica, where the couple have been attending weekly Sunday services. The duo exchanged wedding bands designed by jeweler William Goldberg.

Congrats to Reese and Jim, and a pre-congrats for all the giant headed babies they’re obviously going to have together. I would say that I’m going to celebrate this shit by watching Freeway and Fear for the millionth time while eating a wedding sheet cake from Sam’s Club with a veil on my head, but I pretty much do that every Saturday night. I was going to do it anyway, so don’t think your ass is special, Reese!

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