Bitch Got Sued: Bret Michaels Wants The Tonys To Pay

March 26, 2011 / Posted by:

Bret Michaels’ European imported weave was nearly scalped from his head two years ago when a set backdrop welcomed him to Broadway by smashing down on top of him during a Tony Awards performance. After all the groupie genital warts he’s nibbled on, all the booze he’s inhaled and all the pressure he’s put on his skull from suffocating it with a bandanna, a set piece at the damn Tony Awards is what took him out! It was the HAHAHAHAHA heard around the country until we learned that it left him with a broken nose and cut lip. Although, some of you evil cunts kept HAHAHAHAing after that (I’m looking at you, Ina Garten!).

Six months after his ego and wounds healed, Bret suffered a major brain hemorrhage that almost put him in a Rock of Death Coffin. Now Bret is blaming the Tony Awards for this and is suing the sequins off of them! When Bret is done with them, the Tony Awards will be so broke that they’ll have to hold next year’s ceremony in the middle of a shuttered Off-Track Betting on Broadway and 43rd (that sounds kind of hot, actually). TMZ has the details:

In his suit, Michaels claims, “One of the most common causes of this type of hemorrhage is head trauma — exactly like the one Michaels suffered at the hands of the Tony Awards.”

“Through his sheer will to live, to see his children grow up, [he] was able to survive this trauma.”

Bret says producers have “failed and refused” to remedy the situation … and even blamed him for the mishap at the Tony Awards, claiming he “missed his mark.”

Michaels is suing for unspecified damages. A rep for the Tonys had no comment.

Suffered at the hands of the Tony Awards” sounds like the gayest snuff film ever and I love that it came from Bret. The suit goes on to allege that the producers failed to show Bret how to exit the stage correctly. Lord. This melodramatic workers comp mess needs to be turned into a Broadway musical. While I understand that Bret went through some serious shit, blaming the Tonys is ridiculous. Think of all the injuries the Rock of Love hos suffered when they opened their eyes too fast while kissing Bret. Do you see them suing?! They should, actually.

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