And here’s the reboot of Latarian Milton’s “I Like To Do Bad Things” adventures starring 10-year-old Zilan Fitch of Woodlands, TX. When Zilan’s mom, Christi Sanders, punished him on Wednesday morning, he did what any self-respecting bad little shit would do: he jumped in her SUV and drove away. Christie immediately got in her other car and chased after Speed Zilan through the streets of their neighborhood. Proving that he’s a better driver than most, Zilan stayed in his lane and even used his signal before turning.
Christie called the police and they want after Zilan too, but their asses couldn’t keep up. Even after another car hit Zilan from behind, he put the bitch to the metal and kept driving as though he could see Mexico ahead and Thelma was screaming “DRIVE! DRIVE! DRIVE!” into his little ears. The chase eventually ended when Zilan pulled into a doughnut shop parking lot. The cops arrested his little ass and took him down to juvie. Zilan was released and charged with unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.
When the local news asked Zilan what he learned from this, he answered, “Sitting in jail, we had to sleep on a metal bed.”
That’s it?! Zilan could’ve crashed into that store and murdered dozens of doughnuts and that’s all he has to say?! He might as well have said, “I don’t give a fudge.” (Zilan will lose his sleeveless jersey wearing privileges for a whole week if he says the F word). It’s official. The 2011 reincarnation of Latarian Milton has been born. We know what happens next. Hide your CHICKEN WINGS!
via MSNBC (Thanks Stacy)