Madge’s African School For Girls Is Not Happening

March 25, 2011 / Posted by:

When Madge adopted LawdHaveMercy (or whatever her name is) from Malawi, she promised to put her celebrity, money and charitable heart into helping the young girls of Africa by building a fancy school for them ala Oprah. The Kabbahalalalalh Center signed on as a partner, Philippe van den Bossche (the boyfriend of Madge’s trainer Tracy Anderson) was named as executive director and they even shooed away the locals who lived on the ground where the school was supposed to be built. Well, those locals are exhaling out a giant karmalized “UH HUH,” because the school is not going to happen today, tomorrow or ever.

The New York Times reports that the executives of Raising Malawi fucked away $3.8 million of the charity’s money. The foundation is now as broke as Baby Jesus’ peen after wrassling with Madge’s strong man crotch.

Philippe and the other executives used the money to pay for their salaries, cars, golf course memberships and housing for the school’s director. Officials say that Philippe quit that bitch last October and the Kabbalah Center also jumped from that sinking ship. The board of the foundation has since been replaced by Madge and her manager. The higher-ups in Malawi are putting the blame on Madge, because they say she was unable to raise the $15 million needed to build the school. Madge put $11 million of her own money into the project.

Even though the school isn’t going to happen, Madge is still trying to save her foundation by asking Global Philanthropy Group to help. The founder of GPG told the NYT that he advised Madge to cancel plans for the school completely and instead use their cash to further fund education programs that are already in place. Dude went on to slap the foundation’s previous management team:

“Despite $3.8 million having been spent by the previous management team, the project has not broken ground, there was no title to the land and there was, over all, a startling lack of accountability on the part of the management team in Malawi and the management team in the United States. We have yet to determine exactly what happened to all of that $3.8 million. We have not accounted for all the funds that were used.”

Madge refused to go into detail about this mess, but said that Raising Malawi will go on even though she’s “frustrated that our education work has not moved forward in a faster way.”

A MESS! Why didn’t Madge put Gary Glass from Desperately Seeking Susan in charge? He would’ve never let this happen. So no school means no Like a Virgin Kegel exercise class and no Material Girl economics class. Sad. And that Philippe demon better spend time with his ass cheeks while he still has them. Sometime in the near future, Madge is going to slither under his bedroom door, paralyze him with her crotch thrusts and then snap at her cronies to chew his nalgas off. Philippe will be reminded of his betrayal every time he sees Madge on TV stroking at his ass cheeks on her face. She’ll throw him a special “I’m coming for your taint next” wink.

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