Delusional Thoughts With White Oprah

One of my fantasies is to be in a documentary version of “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” called “Honey, I Shrunk the Gay” just so I can be miniaturized. Then I can crawl up White Oprah’s black hole nostril, crawl over her whiskey snot balls, stumble through the cocaine tundra in her nose canal and make my way up to her brain, because you know it’s a fantastical world of nonsense in there. I’d waltz with fried brain cells, take a dip in the Adderall powder pool and marvel at the WTF images projected in the Jack Daniels Theater. The HUH? shit this crazy comes up with…..

Take this mess for instance, White Oprah echoed her “Lindsay is a one name WONDER” thought to Popeater and goes on to say that her innocent child really is going to drop the Lohan from her name completely. And the American Crackhead Comedy Award goes to…..

“Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay. Plus, me and Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan.”

A “family friend” dipped a few more gems into fuckery’s gas stank by saying, “So many of the greatest people in showbiz are known by just their first name. Look at Oprah and Beyonce. Now you can add Lindsay to that list. And it’s a way for them all to start over. No one in the family want anything to do with Lindsay’s father anymore and that includes sharing a last name.”

Maybe she can legally change her name to Prisoner No. 666-BITCHPLEASE or HAHA since that’s what she’ll be addressed as in a couple of months.

But really, what is wrong with them?! The Lohans (who will FOREVER be Lohans) live in a fart bubble that must filter out any mention of Lindsay Wagner or Lindsay Price. Because those Lindsays are way more famous. You can take the Lohan out of the Lohan, but you can’t take the DELUSION out of the Lohan.