Knut Likely Died Of A Brain Illness

March 24, 2011 / Posted by:

The autopsy on the world’s most famous bear (sorry, John Travolta) Knut is still days away from being complete, but the Berlin Zoo has already issued a statement saying that preliminary findings shows that all of his body’s internal organs including his heart were in fine shape. However, they did find some weird shit going on in his brain. This is why polar bears shouldn’t drink Coke.

Some wannabe polar bear coroners speculated that Knut died from being locked up in an enclosure with three lady bears who constantly tormented him. But the bear curator at the zoo tells CBS (via USA Today) that if this was the case, there would be abnormalities in his heart or kidneys. There isn’t, so this leads them to believe that he suffered from some kind of neurological disorder.

This might also explain why Knut’s cold cunt bitch of a mom rejected him after birth and continued to refuse his love. A bi-polar bear-hating polar bear is a new brand of evil. It’s also a new tongue twister drama students can use during warm up.

Meanwhile, there’s a good chance the British Natural History Museum is going to stuff Knut and put his body on display. To which I say, KUNTS!

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