As a summa cunt laude graduate of Ike Turner’s Lady Beating Rehab University, Chris Brown learned that when your internal 9-year-old asshole gets mad over a mean lady asking you questions you don’t like, you should reroute your fist from a person’s face and aim for an inanimate object instead. That’s what I got from the half-assed apology the shaved pony gave yesterday during an appearance on BET’s 106 & Park.
The pus-oozing zit ripped off of Sisquo’s chode apologized for his Good Morning America meltdown and instead of leaving it at that, he subtlety blamed the producers of GMA for going off the script. GMA and Robin Roberts still claim that Team Breezy (which sounds like the name of a losing team in a queef competition) approved all of the questions including the ones about Rihanna. While looking like the long-lost love child of Simon Phoenix and an untamed horse, Chris said this:
“First of all I want to apologize to anybody who was startled in the office, anybody who was offended or really looked disappointed at my actions because I was really disappointed in my actions. A lot of people don’t know what went down. When I do shows or I do interviews we always send out a talking points sheet and if the network or whomever doing the interviewing isn’t complying with what we want to do so we can equally accomplish a goal we usually back out until its a better situation.
When we actually did this event everything was cool. We was suppose to perform, the talking points were positivity, creative, and everything that was sent to me, everything was about the album. So as the interview proceeded it was thrown off, i was kind of thrown off by it. I felt like they told us this so that they can just get us on the show just to exploit me. That’s what I thought. And so I took it very, very hard. I kind of kept my composure throughout the whole interview although you can see me upset. I kept my composure and did my performance and when I got back I let off steam in the back. I didn’t physically hurt anyone I didn’t try to hurt anyone. I just wanted to release the anger I had inside me cause I felt like I worked so hard for this music. And I love my fans and I love to be able to make positive music that I felt like people kept, just trying to take it away from me, take away from me. So yes, I got very emotional and I apologize for acting like that.”
The next time Chris Brown feels the need to blow off steam, he should do so literally by putting his mouth over a train’s steamer. Every window thanks him in advance for this. But really, can’t this toothy anus apologize without throwing subtle blame at GMA. “The window made me do it!” Guess what. Sometimes in life, people ask you questions you don’t like. Like when the laundry dude asks me if I wipe because my chonies should be declared a toxic zone. Do I take that as a threat and bash a window in? NO! (Note: The laundry dude doesn’t ask me that question. Not every time, anyway).
And let’s end this with some words of wisdom from Mom Breezy:
CHRISBROWN IS GODS ANNOINTED!!!!
about 19 hours ago via web
Can somebody please escort God to the nearest LensCrafters, because his eyesight needs checking. He was supposed to anoint Steve Urkel, not Chris Brown!