Lindsay Lohan Is All Ready For Her Courtroom Close-up

Today was the day Lindsay Lohan had to decide whether or not she’s going to take a plea deal in the joree snatching case, and TMZ says that she has slid over an F U nail decal to the prosecution’s side of the table. Basically, LiLo has turned it down and will try her luck at a trial instead. Did you hear that, White Oprah? Or is a barback’s tongue in your ear again? Grab a baby and squeeze his tears into a jar, because LiLo is going to need plenty when she WAH WAH WAHs on the stand. It’s a good thing she already stretched out her tear ducts from hiding all those 8-balls in there.

If LiLo took the plea deal, she would’ve ended up with at least 19 days in jail and 3 years added to her probation. So she told her lawyer that she believes her true innocence will set her free. The first hearing is scheduled for April 22nd and Judge Stephanie Sautner has been assigned the case.

If Judge Stephanie decides LiLo totally fucked up her probation, she goes to jail. If Judge Stephanie decides LiLo meant to snatch that necklace, she goes to prison. If Judge Stephanie decides she didn’t do either, then LiLo goes free. LiLo thinks the surveillance footage and the fact that the jewelry store sold the tape to the media for a quick dollar will convince the judge to stamp a NOT GUILTY on her forehead.

Oh, please. LiLo is saying she wants to go to trial because she thinks she’s innocent, but we know the real reason. This ho just wants to see her long-grain titties on the front of the New York Post every morning! Bitch is laying out her ho shit court clothes right now and can’t wait to strut it in front of the cameras every day. LiLo can’t even get an invite to a HoJo’s Oscar party so this is her Oscars and she’s going to milk it like a thirsty baby.

And if LiLo’s dumb ass gets sentenced to prison, then she can make the time go by fast by forcing her top bunk cell mate to sing this lullaby before bed every night:

Yes, I stretched that non-joke just so I could post this masterpeepiece. It had to be seen and it can’t be unseen.

via Videogum