Life & Style’s Scene Queens want us to believe the following:
1. Hugh Hefner’s 24-year-old fiancee Crystal Harris actually gets creamy in the panties from the touch of a man whose burps don’t smell like butterscotch pudding and who doesn’t wear pajamas to dinner.
2. Unlike most of us, Crystal does not have a recurring nightmare where she finds herself married to one of Dr. Phil’s spawn and is therefore forced to look at his punchable doofus face at the holidays.
3. Crystal knows the combination to the locked anklet leash Hef puts on her before they go to bed every afternoon.
Sources say that Crystal didn’t seem to mind that Jordan McGraw dresses like the lead singer of a Christian rock group when she got close to him at the Chateau Marmont on March 14th. The source added that Crystal kept her engagement ring on the entire time and didn’t really care who saw them together. The source goes on, “They’ve been sneaking around because Crystal is supposed to be happily engaged to Hef, and going out in public with Jordan would tarnish Hef and Crystal’s relationship image.”
Crystal is apparently trying to become some kind of recording artist and met Jordan through the Organica record label. Jordan produced a few tracks for Crystal before producing semen on her weave tracks (it had to be blogged).
Crystal is supposed to marry Hef on June 18th.
Hef has said before that he’s allowed to stick his Viagra-sponsored dick into as many tricks as he wants, but his girlfriends can’t do the same. But it’s possible that in his older age, he’s realized that sometimes a pill and a penis pump can’t fulfill the needs of his girlfriends. So maybe he’s given his blessing for Crystal to pass the poon. Who knows! The only thing I do know, however, is that Holly is laughing/crying her implants out while wearing the Playboy bunny bridal gown she was supposed to wear at her wedding with Hef.