March 23, 2011 / Posted by:

By day, Spaz de la Huerta is breaking the will of mere mortals with her drunk tank beauty, and by night she’s breaking glasses and punching hos in the face! TMZ reports that the beer-stained wild weed that grows between the Boardwalk floor boards was FRAMED in NYC on Sunday night. Yes, FRAMED! Some former reality star named Samantha Swerta claimed Spaz threw a glass at her before hitting her in the face.

Hook that Samantha chick up to a lie detector, because I refuse to believe any of this! Spaz is a refined lady of class! Spaz didn’t throw a glass. That was the crystal teardrop from an angel who shed it after he caught an up-close glimpse of Spaz’s gorgeous face in his telescope. And nobody punched Samantha! The wind just knocked her out when Spaz flipped her hair. RE-TRIAL!!!!

Okay, okay, I’m completely Spazmatized, so here’s the real story from TMZ:

Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ, it all went down at The Standard hotel — after Paz and Samantha got into it over Samantha’s male friend … we’re told Paz was hitting on him and Sam got defensive.

According to sources, Samantha made a few snide remarks about Paz’s level of inebriation … and Paz got PISSED, throwing a glass and punching Samantha in the face.

We’re told pieces of the glass became lodged in Samantha’s leg, and Lindsay Lohan — who was there with Samantha — helped pick out the bloody shards … while Paz was escorted out by security.

Samantha filed a police report this morning with her attorney Stephanie Ovadia. So far, no charges have been filed.

Wait. Lindsay Lohan was at a hotel bar?! A bar where they serve booze? STRING HER UP! WHAT’S THE NUMBER TO 911! STICK A BREATHALYZER IN HER MOUTH! CITIZEN’S ARREST! THROW HER IN THE CLINK! RE-TRIAL!

Yes, that’s me trying to take the attention off of Spaz’s drunk douchebag ways. I’m so the White Oprah to her Lindsay.

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