Rebecca Black Might Be A Millionaire Soon

March 22, 2011 / Posted by:

In a little over a week, the Antoine Dodson of first quarter 2011 has put Sesame Street out of business for teaching the kids about the days of the weekend and has already become a pop culture superstar bigger than Spaghetti Cat and STAINS combined. And now Forbes is saying that Rebecca Black can buy all the seats in the car, because if she isn’t already a millionaire, she’s on her way to becoming one. I’ll wait here while you pull your 13-year-old out of school so that you can tape them singing a song about breakfast (which you will write in the car).

We already know that Rebecca’s mother paid Ark Music Factory $2000 for two songs and one video. Forbes initially reported that Rebecca’s “It’s Friday and I’m in Pain” song has been downloaded 2 million times, but they corrected themselves and said that the actual number has 5 zeroes instead of 6. iTunes pays out $.70 per download, so Rebecca (or Ark) has made anywhere from $70,000 to $700,000 and counting.

Forbes added that thanks to YouTube’s revenue sharing program, Ark has pocketed around $20,000 for the video’s 30 million views.

But the question I need the answer to is: who in tween Winnie Cooper hell is downloading that song? The Happy Days theme song doesn’t even have that many downloads, and they give us ALL the days of the week! Instead of wasting your parent’s money, just shove a fried egg hot off the pan into your ear hole. It will have the same effect and won’t leave scars.

And as I gaze into my crystal meth ball, I see the headline: “WE ARE THE WORLD 2011 (for Japan) featuring Golden Voice, Rebecca Black and Antoine Dodson! Coming Soon!”

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