Four Words: Pole Dancing For Jesus

March 22, 2011 / Posted by:

If the intermission during Sunday service included a pole dancer sliding around a crucifix on the altar, I would totally reserve a seat in the first pew every single week!

Christian Nightmares point us to this report from MyFox Houston of an ex-stripper named Crystal Deans (that’s a really hot name) who teaches her fellow church goers how to work the pole in the name of JESUS! Crystal is trying to wash away the stigma of pole dancing and says they are just working out….in exquisite lucite heels. I’ve always said that lucite is made from the distilled tears of angels, so Crystal is doing everything right! Can I get an AMEN?! And can I also get a lap dance in the confessional? And do I put a dollar in her G or just throw it in the basket? Yup, we’re burning this place down today.

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