Les Moonves Wants This Back

March 21, 2011 / Posted by:

While Charlie Sheen is getting ready to mount his mercury surfboard to sprinkle brain seeds of ridiculousness all over the country (and Haiti), CBS president Les Moonves (aka Mister Chenbot) is contemplating tucking his tail in to beg the jester of the warlock kingdom to come back to Two and a Half Men. With a $100 million lawsuit from Charlie and the possibility of losing one of the most successful shows on TV hanging on to his back, Les is thinking that he should just drink the tiger blood-flavored Kool Aid. Yeah, because swallowing your pride isn’t so bad if it means you’ll shit out millions of dollars.

A source tells Radar that Les has held several meetings with executives about CBS about asking Warner Bros. TV to rehire Charlie. The source went on to say this mess, “Moonves wants to get the show back on the air. He’s all for it. He says certain people need to forget anything and everything Charlie’s done recently and just move on with the business at hand. The core issue is, as he put it, the volatile relationship between Charlie Sheen and Chuck Lorre. He believes that if CBS and Warner Bros. TV honchos can find a way to get Chuck and Charlie to speak again, cooler heads will prevail.”

Kellogg’s asking Charlie Sheen to be the new face of Frosted Flakes is a greater possibility than Chuck Lorre taking him back. But if this is true, then it won’t end well. Charlie’s ego is already a pulsating mound of self-entitlement that is about to explode any second, so even the sight of Les Moonves on his knees will trigger its eruption. Sheen lava (aka warlock smegma and crack syrup) will cover the streets and “winning” will become the only word in all of our vocabularies. So if Les Moonves wants a warlock on TAAHM, he better hire Julian Sands instead.

Meanwhile, while promoting his new movie with Emilio Estevez, Martin Sheen was asked by The Telegraph if he thinks faith can heal the crazy in Charlie’s system:

I ask Martin Sheen if he believes that faith could help Charlie through his problems. ‘Faith can help all of us,’ he replies briskly. ‘Addiction is the dark side. It’s a reflection of despair. And it’s fed by all the other negativity.’

Does Charlie listen to his father? ‘Every now and then,’ Sheen says. ‘Depends on whether it’s a moment of clarity for him. I can’t determine that for him. You know, Charlie’s 45 years old. He’s not a kid. Emotionally he still is. Because when you’re addicted, you don’t grow emotionally. So when you get clean and sober you’re starting at the moment you started using drugs or alcohol. You’re emotionally crippled.

‘But I know what hell he’s living in. I’ve had psychotic episodes in public. One of them was on camera – the opening scene of Apocalypse Now. So I know what Charlie is going through. And when you do something like that, that is out of control, that’s the most difficult thing. You have to have courage.’ As he says this, Sheen, usually so vibrant and engaging, seems to slump inwards.

And I was totally with Martin about “Faith” until I realized he’s talking about the belief and not the George Michael song.

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