Squinty And B.Coop Broke Up

March 18, 2011 / Posted by:

This is turning out to be the worst week ever for contract couples beards love! Cherub’s wings already wilted once when Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas announced their split and now comes the news that Renee Zellweger no longer has the squints for Bradley Cooper. If John Travolta and Kelly Preston announce their divorce this weekend, then it’s pretty clear that the ancient art of bearding is on its way into the casket.

A source (aka the intern in Bradley Cooper’s publicist’s office) tell People that after 2 years together, B.Coop and the test tube baby of Tinkerbell and Lemonhead have moved on to different genitals. This comes after Star Magazine claimed that B.Coop was possibly passing his peen to Jessica Biel and Sandra Bullock. Poor Squinty’s probably squinting, puckering and crying so hard that her face turned inside/out. It’s going to be like that all weekend, I’m sure. Damn, B.Coop!

Spokeswhores for B.Coop and Squinty pursed their lips and closed their eyes when People asked for a comment.

I used up all my cynical “fake ass relationship” jokes on Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene this week, so I’ll simply end this post by saying: GO SEE BRADLEY COOPER’S MOVIE LIMITLESS WHICH HAPPENS TO COME OUT TODAY!

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