Being A Crazy Bitch Is Paying Off For Charlie Sheen

Charlie Sheen’s “My Violent Torpedo of Truth” (which is what White Oprah calls a bottle of vodka) tour sold out Radio City Music Hall TWICE and is on its way to selling every single ticket on every single one of its 21 dates. Hos just can’t get enough of seeing a half-melted bobble head abuse the word “winning” over and over again. I can hate all I want, but Charlie Sheen is the one letting a warlock cackle as his hooker fund fills with mountains of cash.

TMZ is saying that Charlie’s contract with Live Nation states that he gets 85% of all profits from ticket sales. That doesn’t include any cash Charlie will make from hosting after parties and selling merchandise like jars of tiger menstrual fluid and crack pipes shaped like Chuck Lorre’s head. TMZ estimates that Charlie will make a minimum of $250,000 for each show, which means his final take will be around $7 million.

Ain’t that a bitch. There’s dozens of homeless crackhead hobos in NYC who wear coats made of scabies, socks made of fungus and regularly spit out insane conspiracy sonnets to the masses. Yet, all they get is a few turned down eyelids and maybe a Canadian quarter. Where the hell is their “Crazy Hobos of Comedy” national tour?! We seriously need to speak to the person in charge, because this shit ain’t right.