Every Layer Of Gross

A few mornings ago, I took my dog for his usual start of the day walk through the world that is his toilet. We headed towards his usual spot about a block away from my apartment. The scent of that spot inspires his bowels to move, apparently. As soon as we got there he hunched over and started to do the weird poop waddle dance he does when he’s about to bless the sidewalk. A quick second after he began his dance of the seven shits, I noticed a disemboweled pigeon lying on the sidewalk about a foot away from us. My dog noticed the dead pigeon at the same time, because he started bouncing toward it while sniffing like crazy. I tried to tug him away while throwing him the same disgusting look he gives me when I’m watching Jersey Shore, but he really wanted to get a nostril full and was on a mission. So I’m tugging, and he’s tugging, shitting and sniffing at the same time. It was a horrific necrophilia/scat scene that I did not want to be a part.

But you know, I’d gladly live in that dark place forever if it meant that I could wash away the image of Michael Lohan sticking his tongue into the mouth of Kim G from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Shitting dog sniffing a dead pigeon >>>>> THIS PICTURE

And there’s a glaring typo in that picture. It should read “appetite extinguisher.”