This Is Justin Timberlake’s “I Can’t Stand This Ho” Face

UsWeekly wants us to believe that Justin Timberlake is flashing a fraudulent smile to hide the internal pain he feels from being forced to touch the hard and stubborn pimple on his life. Justin and Jessica Biel (or “Jessica Beeeeeeehl” as Sookeh says it) announced the end of their 4-year-old relationship last week, and the good ole “we wanted different things” excuse was thrown around at the time. However, a source tells UsWeekly that Justin is the one who sealed his dick in a box and pried Jessica off his crotch for good.

The source is saying that Justin has been trying to dump the ho for 2 years. When Justin finally gave Jessica her walking papers, she responded with the same look of shock his doctor gives when he screeches during a prostate exam. The source put it like this:

“Justin had been aggressively trying to end things. He hasn’t been happy with Jessica for close to two years. You’d be surprised at how soon the love was lost on this one. Justin said he was miserable.”

“He just said he didn’t want to marry her and it didn’t feel right. It just stung her in the heart.”

And the source went on to say that Justin never told Jessica that he down low dicked a few side tricks during their relationship.

I’ll admit that when I have the feeling that I’m about to get dumped, I become as clingy as Reba on Lori. But I finally get the hint when a court processor server presents me with a restraining order. Dumping a clingy bitch is not hard! After the court processor visits them, all you have to do is stage your death, voluntarily admit yourself into the Witness Protection Program, get a scientist to change the natural pheromone scent in your crotch and never ever use the phone or Internet again.

I really refuse to believe any of this. I bet Jessica is the one who did the dumping, because it must get exhausting trying not to punch that face every time it smiles.