Tony Hawk Is A Wonderful Husband And Best Friend

What’s that saying? Don’t eat what you shit? Don’t shit on what you eat? Well, whatever it is, Tony Hawk is doing all of it! Tony Hawk is eatin’ vagina while sitting on the toilet like he just don’t give a shit. The professional skateboarder’s second wife was his former nanny, his third wife was his publicist and his current piece is his best friend’s wife. Hawk the Cock doesn’t need that Ashley Madison bullshit, he trolls for a piece on his Facebook network. Tony Hawk is keeping it all in the family.

Tony filed for divorce from his third wife Lhotse Merriam back in February and at that time released a statement saying they are committed to being loving parents to their daughter. Blah. Blah. Blah. But behind that precious image of Tony and Lhotse smiling gleefully for their daughter, the word “ESCANADALOOOOO” is in giant lights behind them. Page Six says that Tony pushed Lhotse down the ramp to ByeBitchville shortly after he started getting with the wife of his best friend and business partner Matt Goodman.

Matt and Tony have been friends since childhood and the former has been a groomsmen at all three of the latter’s weddings. They founded a sports movie company together, but Matt has since quit that bitch for another media company.

Lhotse first sniffed out Tony’s affair with Matt’s wife Cathy when she found out the two were traveling together to San Francisco for what was supposed to be business. Tony and Lhotse split up a month later. Matt and Cathy, who were married for 20 years, also dropped their wedding rings into the compost pile.

Tony must have the stuff that makes a lady’s clit do a flip trick, because homeboy looks like if Toucan Sam got botched rhinoplasty. Tony is smart, though. One of the annoying parts of starting a new relationship is having to introduce your new lovah to everybody. Tony doesn’t have to bother with that, because all of his girlfriends have sat at the family table before.

But there’s still a tornado of awkward moments coming their way. I mean, any time Tony meets one of Cathy’s lady friends, she’ll have to introduce him as: “My boyfriend and probably your future boyfriend.”