Ten Thousand Measly Dollars?

Getting their inspiration from a urinal creeper who tried to capture Jake Gyllenhaal’s dick in a private moment, Playgirl is offering a $10,000 bounty to anyone who can bring them a portrait of the colossal bolt of pleasure in Anderson Cooper’s slacks. Yes, 10,000 US dollars, and not 10,000 palladium bars covered with diamonds and locks from a mermaid’s hair. BLASPHEMY! $10,000 shouldn’t even get you a glimpse of Mah Boo’s tip! $10,000 should only get you a peenlipstick kiss mark on a paper napkin, but those bills better be crisp and freshly laundered.

Daniel Nardicio of Playgirl tells Popeater that in their newest issue, Mah Boo is #1 on their list of “Top 10 Guys We Want to See Naked.” Daniel explains why they’d like to see the silver fox in all his glory, “He’s got this charisma that a lot of our readers are attracted to, plus now he’s all muscled, [so] he’s not only smart but also hot. Both our male and female readers love Anderson.”

Good luck to anybody who can make this happen. Old folklore says that Mah Boo’s boo boo is as elusive as a unicorn. You can only lure him out of his silver field by sprinkling fairy dust around a toadstool. Then you must seat a virgin on that toadstool and play a gay jig on a porcelain flute while she bats her lashes . Yeah, you know that asshole you always see in Chelsea who plays ABBA songs on a plastic recorder next to a Virgin Mary statue sitting on top of a glitter-covered mushroom ottoman? That’s me. Wave at me next time.