We’re going to need to miniaturize Maury Povich and send him skipping up this woman’s vagina to DNA test the baby in her womb to see if he or she was made with the seed of Sebastian Valmont. Because somebody close to model-actress Alexis Knapp is whispering into UsWeekly’s ear that the father of her unborn baby might be Ryan Phillipe. I guess Alexis never got the memo that in these times we live in, the hos of Hollywood need to put Gary Busey stickers (a Buseycrow if you will) on their ovaries if they don’t want to turn their chichis into Venti leche bags in 9 months.
Apparently, Ryan and Alexis bumped on each other’s parts before he got with Amanda Seyfried and shit got serious. The source explains, “She’s in the second trimester. Ryan doesn’t know if he is the dad. If he is, he will take full responsibility for the child. He and Alexis were actually together for a while…It was pretty serious. If this kid is his. He will do the right thing.”
If Ryan IS THE FATHER, this will make him a third time DILF.
If Ryan’s personality was a breakfast food, it would be a Styrofoam bowl of oatmeal and cold tap water. That said, you know we’d all bounce on that shit so hard that the condom would come flying out of our mouths. But a condom would still be involved! What is wrong with these whores?! However, part of me can’t blame Alexis since getting knocked up is how you get a blurb in People these days. And the other part of me can’t blame Alexis for anything she does because she’s wearing a black headband usually seen on the member of a girl group circa 1991. Black fabric headband = free pass
(Image via Pacific Coast News)