This afternoon, Aflac Inc. gently laid their duck on the surgery table, put two tiny anesthesia masks over his nostrils, opened his bill and quickly clipped off the Gilbert Gottfried clinging on to his vocal cords. They immediately threw that Gilbert Gottfried into a dump truck heading for wherever.
Aflac announced today that they have dropped a BYE BITCH on on the voice of their mascot after he Tweeted a series of jokes about the disaster in Japan. The Hollywood Reporter says Aflac is donating $100 million to disaster relief and will hold a nationwide casting call for GG’s replacement. Aflac had this to say in a statement:
“Gilbert’s recent comments about the crisis in Japan were lacking in humor and certainly do not represent the thoughts and feelings of anyone at Aflac. There is no place for anything but compassion and concern during these difficult times.”
It all started a couple of days ago when Gilbert climbed on top of the half broken plastic crate that is Twitter account and started throwing out jokes like: “I just split up with my girlfriend, but like the Japanese say, ‘They’ll be another one floating by any minute now‘” and “I fucked a girl in japan. She screamed “I feel the earth move and I’m getting wet.” Alflac wasn’t really laughing, because 75% of their business comes from Japan. Aaaaaaaaafuck!
You know, we’ve really come a long way as a society, because we don’t even need to change out of our stained sweats or leave our houses to get fired. Just spew out some offensive fuckery on Twitter and wait by the mailbox for your final check to show up.