Hot Slut Of The Day!

March 13, 2011 / Posted by:

Cara, the 7-week-old marmoset who was stuffed into her owner’s bra and smuggled into a courthouse in Amherst, Virginia. I’ve heard of gerbils in the ass, but monkeys in the titties?! A woman who wishes to remain nameless showed up to the courthouse to fill out some paperwork for a hearing in the Juvenile and Domestic Relations court and not one official noticed a little something extra in her chichis until she pointed it out to them. The woman (who is obviously crazier than a monkey in a floral dress) kept going on about how her daughter was with her. When the official asked the lady where her daughter was, Mama Monkey Mammaries pulled Cara out of her bra like nothing. There was Cara looking like an Olsen straight out of the womb. Even Michael Jackson never carried Bubbles in his bubbies (I think).

As layers upon layers of WTF covered the official’s face, Cara’s mom explain that her daughter is at that preemie age and so she has to take her everywhere. The official alerted the deputies, but Cara and her mother were not thrown out of the courthouse. They also didn’t tell Cara that her Pamper panties were showing before they took this picture.

After the Tale of the Marmotitties went around the Internet and beyond, Cara’s mother contacted the News & Advance in Virginia to explain herself. Mama Monkey Mammaries did not help her case:

Showing off the little marmoset monkey at her Amherst County home, she referred to Cara as “her daughter” and said she had found her on eBay. She went to Lexington to buy it and has the animal’s clothes –– diapers and dresses — specially made in West Virginia.

“We call our cats and dogs babies all the time,” said the woman, who is disabled and cares not only for her new baby, but also for three Chihuahuas, a Pomeranian, a crocodile gecko and a garter snake.

“She despises rap music –– it tickles me, she likes the oldies,” she said, feeding Cara marmoset formula.

Cara is only inches tall; she eventually will grow to a foot tall and weigh a pound.

“When you first get them, they’re just like a preemie,” she said. “She’s just like a baby, she’s starting to teethe. I mean, caring for them is just like caring for a human.”

Her new mom picked her up last month. Marmosets cost anywhere from $1,800 to $2,600, she said.

“They’re not a cheap pet.”

Cara caused quite a sensation in the courthouse when she moved her tiny head around and began gnawing on her dress.

One official asked why she had the monkey in her bra and quoted the woman as saying, “Well, would you leave your child at home? She has to be close to me.”

Because the natural place to put a teething baby monkey is in your bra. You know, because Cara would never mistake her mother’s nipple for an overripe banana tip or an extra juicy raisin. A very special “Mah Babeh Swallowed My Nipple!” episode of Untold Stories of the ER is in this bitch’s future. And yes, you would never leave your child at home. But you’d also never motorboat your child in public!

I really can’t wait for Cara to get older and write a tell-all about this ridiculous mess called Mammary Dearest.

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