Aretha Franklin Does Not Have A Pair Of Spanx Around Her Stomach

March 11, 2011 / Posted by:

Aretha Franklin has whipped out one of her slightly less plump magnificent chichis and pounded on the rumor that she suffers from pancreatic cancer. And then she turned the gastric bypass rumors into pallard, cooked it in olive oil and slowly nibbled on it with a side of cucumber salad. The sicks didn’t melt Aretha’s chunk away and neither did a belt wrapped around her stomach. Aretha told Access Hollywood last night that she did it by shooing the chitterlings off her plate. Aretha put it like this:

“Somewhere I heard that somebody thinks I got some bariatric surgery, I think that’s it. That is surgery I would never ever ever ever ever ever. Believe me. I would not. That is crazy. If I had to have that surgery I’d be fat. Believe me. I had a cousin who had that surgery and she turns green and she did pass too. That’s something I would never ever do.”

If Queen Aretha is Star Jones-ing us, she’s doing it better than Star ever did! That “I don’t even know how to pronounce it!” trick she pulled out of her lacefront is one that I just might have to use. I mean, I’ve never EVER ever ever EVER ever smoked that naryjuanvaldez stuff. I don’t even know how to say it!

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