These pictures were labeled “Brad Pitt in character as Jackie Cogan in New Orleans” by the photo agency and it really got me excited for a hot second, because I thought they were finally making a biopic on the life of the dude who played Uncle Fester in The Addams Family. Benjamin Button would look like a sweet kind of special in a Dutch Boy wig. But roll me in a bed of sadness, because Shiloh’s full-sized twin is playing “a professional enforcer who investigates a heist that went down during a mob-protected poker game.” A professional enforcer who uses kitchen grease as leave-in conditioner and keeps his bathroom cabinet full of boxes of Miss Clairol for Goatees.
And on a different note, let me take the time to wish all of you a HAPPY FAT TUESDAY, HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY and a HAPPY INTERNATIONAL PANCAKE DAY! Make sure to tell a woman that you fully respect her before flashing your nipples at her for a string of pancake balls.