Lindsay Lohan Is Forever Mad
Lindsay Lohan will make fun of her own situation if it gets her an extra 5 minutes of relevancy and/or a money order made out to cash. But if anybody else uses the Lohan name in a joke, LiLo digs the built-up bronzer that usually clogs up her tear ducts and starts weeping out a dry ravine of fraudulent sad drops over it. When oh when is the world going to realize that the Lohans are in the same company as kittens with cleft palates, Carol Channing and toddlers in tiny wheelchairs (aka things we don’t make fun of)!!! Lorne Michaels learned this very lesson when he received an e-mail from Lindsay Lohan after Miley Cyrus made fun of her on SNL. Lorne should make Seth Meyers read it during Weekend Update next week, because it will probably get the biggest laugh.
A source has let TMZ know that LiLo has always considered Lorne a friend, mentor and father figure, so she was more than upset that he gave the greenlight for their public mocking of her. Lorne hasn’t hit the “reply” button yet, apparently.
Whatever happened to the LiLo who put her internal anger and pain into writing riveting rock ballads like “Confessions of a Broken Heart”? She’s like a bawling baby who smells like expired collagen and Red Bull urine. The LiLo of today is constantly butt hurt for absolutely no reason. Who wants to be butt hurt without having butt sex? That’s no fun. I swear, this WAH WAH WAH bitch is crying at everything. I bet when she watches “It Gets Better” videos, she thinks they are talking to her.
Cry me a river, ho! No, seriously, please do, because that river is probably 100 proof. Get your cups out!