Almost everybody who reported on Guy Ritchie’s piece being knocked up referred to him as “Madonna’s ex.” That’s like his official title now. Guy’s business card must say “MADONNA’S EX” in big bold letters with “…and movie director” printed underneath that in tiny sans balls font. That shit must hurt more than the time the fangs on Madge’s vadge bit his tongue during oral. But anyway…
The Daily Mail reports that Guy’s 29-year-old model girlfriend of about a year, Jacqui Ainsley, will join every other damn celebrity on this planet by pushing out a BABY!!!!! sometime this year. I swear, by the end of this year we’ll have enough umbilical cords to make an escape rope to Venus. Tie that shit together, slip knot the end, lasso it over a crater on Venus and we’ll all zip line to a planet that’s free of wet burps and baby diarrhea bubbles.
Guy and Jacqui have yet to confirm any of this, but one of her friends is doing it for her. Because that’s what friends are for! One had this to say: “Jacqui was crying with joy when she found out. They went on holiday because Guy is desperate for her to take it easy. He won’t let her do anything more strenuous than argue over baby names.”
Congrats to Guy! Congrats to Jacqui! And congrats to Madge’s boy toy who will soon have a new playdate partner!
Here’s a few pictures of Guy and Jacqui talking about how they’re going to name their baby “FUCKYOUMADGE” a couple of weeks ago.