If I spent more time sitting across from Kirstie Alley’s Wikipedia page and wasn’t half hungover while doing Birthday Sluts, the fact that her earth age is 60 might already be burned into my memory. BUT DAMN! Scientists can confirm that Xenu eggs of crazy wrapped in a sugary estrogen shell age well. While some actresses that are Kirstie’s age are holding on to the toe nail of youth by filling their faces with more chemicals than what’s in a can of Coke, she’s staying young in the face by exfoliating her thetans off and suckling barley syrup out of John Travolta’s warm tete in the sauna. Fuck those nutritionists who say drinking a Big Gulp full of Krispy Kreme frosting every morning isn’t good for you.
Who needs sanity and reason when you’ve still got your It Takes Two face. This changes everything (not really)!!!
In case you’re wondering, Kirstie is still hornier than a catholic priest. This is what she Twatted yesterday about her Dancing with the Stars partner Maks:
instead of JONNY Appleseed… Maks is JONNY AMPLEseed
Thank you for letting us know that Maks cums gallons, Kristie. And no, we don’t need to know how you know. We’re not going to open that book of nightmares tonight.
And here’s the entire cast of Dancing with the….For Lack of a Better Word…Stars? with their partners. In order: Chelsea Kane with Mark Ballas, Chris Jericho with Mop Head, Hines Ward with Kym Johnson, Kendra’s stupid ass with Louis Van Amstel, Kirstie, Psycho Mike with Lacey Schwimmer, Petra Nemcova with Dimitry Chaplin, Ralph Macchio with Karina Smirnoff Ice, Lil Romeo with Chelsie Hightower, Sugar Ray Leonard with Anna Trebunskaya and Wendy Williams (looking like if a Muppet ate Mimi) with Tony Dovolani.