As I delete every “you’re a coke whore cunt thief” comment I’ve ever made on Twitter, Courtney Love is frantically checking under sofa cushions, grabbing at the change return slot on payphones, and answering every pyramid scheme ad published on the PennySaver, because she has just settled a defamation lawsuit for $430,000. Frances Bean better change the numbers to her EVERYTHING, because Courtney is about to put on her “woe is me” voice and call her up for loan.
It all started back in 2009 when Courtney and clothing store owner Dawn Simorangkir got into a fight over $4,000 worth of custom clothing that shampoo’s greatest enemy refused to pay for. Courtney then tried to destroy Dawn by melting her brain cells with one of her signature Twitter rants. In the span of about 20 minutes, Courtney called Dawn an “asswipe nasty lying hosebag thief” and a “coke whore.” Most of us would send Courtney a moth ball bouquet as a thank you for calling us the names we long to hear, but Dawn didn’t see it that way. Dawn sued that bitch for trying to ruin her business in 140 characters or less. Courtney used the “it’s just my opinion” reason and the two were all set to battle it out in a court room last month. But the trial date was postponed when both of their lawyers said that they were hoping to settle it out of court. Well, they did!
Dawn’s attorney confirms to The Hollywood Reporter that Courtney will pay her $430,000 in a series of payments starting now and ending in 2014. He said, “The amount of the settlement says it all. Her reprehensible defamatory comments were completely false and $430,000 is quite a significant way to say I am sorry. One would hope that, given this disaster, restraint of pen, tongue and tweet would guide Ms. Love’s future conduct.”
Court’s attorney said that it’s a “modest settlement” and they’re all happy to have it behind them.
WAIT. So Courtney is going to pay Dawn over the course of 3 years?! Somebody please put a camera on Dawn when she opens up a payment envelope from Courtney that contains finger nail dirt, cigarette butts and rolled up Monopoly money.
You know, maybe all of us should file a class action lawsuit against Courtney for harassing our eyes with the Jabba the Taint picture she posted last year. My retinas are still in psychical therapy over that.
And I don’t know if the ghost of Kurt Cobain is weeping or clapping at the fact that his “Rape Me” money is paying off Court’s fuckery moves.