Khloe Kardashian no longer has to worry about almost pulling her back out from hunching while stalking baby wombats in the dead of night. Khloe just has to play Kim Kardashian’s new “song” for them and they will be instantly stunned, paralyzed and vulnerable. That pretty much describes how my ear drums felt after being exposed to the unflavored mound of lukewarm shit that is Kim’s new song called Jam.
Jam sounds like a slutty and sedated toddler burping while riding a plastic pony in a playground. I swear, Kim isn’t singing, bitch is letting out an auto-tuned yawn. It’s the music equivalent of her sex tape. Jam makes “Stars are Blind” sound like a heartbreaking torch song of raw emotions. It’s about as exciting as the jelly left on a probe after a rectal ultrasound.
Kim says that she did the song “for fun,” but it doesn’t like she’s having fun to me. Ho sounds like she’s eating plain yogurt while watching her reality show. Kim needs to listen to some Midi, Maxi, Efi to hear how monotone bored voice is really done. In the meantime, Kim should just fart into a microphone for her follow-up single. It might have more life in it. Nice try, though.