Everyone’s new favorite warlock who spits out Sheenisms under a Twitter bridge (the crazy racked up 740,000 followers in less than 24 hours) was temporarily stripped of custody of his twin boys, Bob and Max, after their mother Brooke Mueller declared to the court that he threatened to cut off her head and send it to her mom. And I’m sure he was planning to do it with a shrimp fork he stole from a buffet.
Charlie says that just as he and his goddesses were about to put Bob and Max to bed, the police knocked on his fortress of winning and demanded that he had them over under court order. Radar has the video of one of Charlie’s twins feeding him pieces of an apple (even the baby knows his ass needs to eat something) before he puts them in the police car. Charlie didn’t burn the cops with his candle hands (like Lumiere on the wrong kind of meth) or stun them with the rainbow laser beams that shoot out of his eyes on command. Charlie calmly handed them over, said “see you later” and let them go home to Brooke. But he did add that “tiger blood drips from his fangs” now.
According to TMZ, the court documents filed by Brooke last night states that at his home in the Bahamas on February 23rd, Charlie threatened to poke out one of her eyes with a penknife. That is why Brooke dropped out of Charlie’s Goddesses and left the Bahamas for California. The judge ordered that Charlie must stay at least 100 yards away from Brooke and their sons. Brooke said this in a statement:
“I am very concerned that [Sheen] is currently insane. I am in great fear that he will find me and attack me and I am in great fear for the children’s safety while in his care.”
Charlie was on Today this morning where he said that he’s going to go to court to try to kill the restraining order and get his sons back. Charlie wants someone from Brooke’s camp (or Brooke herself) to come to his house and spend time with his goddesses so that they know it’s not the situation we all think it is. They’re not smoking crack with one hand while feeding the boys with the other. They’re not playing Tonka trunks with the boys while sucking on Charlie’s perma soft crack noodle. It would be impressive if they were, because every skilled nanny must be able to successfully multi-task. But Charlie says this isn’t happening and his home life isn’t damaging to his boys at all.
While Charlie thinks his home would get the thumbs up from SuperNanny, he thinks Brooke’s wouldn’t. Brooke admitted to the court that she’s in day treatment for drug addiction and her mom takes care of the boys while she gets her shit together. However, Charlie says that she’s still on the bad shit and that’s why he snuffed out her crack pipe and voted her out of the Bahamas.
In another interview with Radar, Charlie and “Goddess Natty” shows us pictures they took in the Bahamas of cocaine they say Brooke bought. The mouth of Charlie says that Brooke is hooked on Norco and continued to smoke crack even though he asked her to stop. Charlie threw out a message to Brooke at the end of the video, “How dare you? How dare you? You’re a better parent than me? Shame on you. Your day is coming and it’s coming fast.”
If you watch the video at Radar, you’ll see for yourself that Charlie Sheen is like Christian Bale’s character in The Fighter but with endless amounts money. Seriously, Christian Bale should just hand over his Oscar to Charlie, because Dr. Clown Shoes Winning is doing it better. And Christian Bale’s Asian crack ho in The Fighter is a goddess from Mars compared to Natty. Natty’s face looks like the wet part of a sore scab. Hair so dry that not even a malnourished goat would chew on that shit! I would say that Natty looks more like God’s ass instead of a goddess, but that would be sacrilegious, wrong and untrue. I’m sure God’s ass is a work of beauty and Natty is a work of hard living and empty conditioner bottles. Watching Charlie and Natty fuck is probably like watching a lizard fish scratch its back on a dead piece of coral. Just wrong.
And now I leave you with a quote from Charlie’s interview with People: “It’s not an act. Here’s the good news: If I realize that I’m insane, then I’m okay with it. I’m not dangerous insane.”
(Image via TMZ)