Bai Ling Is Checking Into Celebrity Rehab

March 2, 2011 / Posted by:

The intergalactic space fly that flew out of a crater cocoon on the moon and took over a young Chinese woman’s body by burrowing into her brain will bring her screeching alien act to the new season of Celebrity (?) Rehab (?). I was always told that Bai Ling is just naturally fucked up, but I guess some kind of wrong stuff is pulling at her strings. Bai could be addicted to snorting fireflies or chanting original haikus until she blacks out for all I know. The only thing that matters is that she’s going to be on basic cable!

Dr. Drew better get a copy of Bailinganese Rosetta Stone and brush up on her language, because Bai can make you say “HUH?” in three words or less.

VH1 hasn’t officially officially announced the cast, but TMZ got a hold of the list and they say Bai is on it. They also say that the DC Heid & Spencer, Tareq and Michaele Salahi from The Real Housewives of DC, are in the cast along with Dwight Gooden, Hobie from Baywatch and Michael Lohan.

Yes, Michael “I am so sober that I can give advice on how to be sober to people who want to be sober” Lohan is going into Dr. Drew’s look at me clinic for fame whores. We already know that Michael is a wontshutthefuckup-holic and the only cure for that is for him to finally shut the fuck up. Can’t Dr. Drew spare us by giving Michael a check if he promises to stick his turtle head back into his mesh shirt and shut up for good? I really hope Bai Ling uses her razor sharp nipples to cut Michael’s stupid cell phone holder off of his waistband.

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