Joan Collins usually exits a party on a velvet chaise carried by four shirtless pieces, but it was an entirely different scene at Vanity Fair’s Oscar party on Sunday night. The most glamorous being who ever glamoured was led into an ambulance at about 10pm after she started to feel woozy. The same kind of wooziness she feels whenever she lays eyes on cut-off sweat shorts and scrunchie bracelets. You know Dominique Deveraux was suffocating her Alexis Carrington voodoo doll with a plastic bag.
Joan was taken to the hospital where she looked devastatingly gorgeous in a gold satin hospital gown (she carries one around at all times, just in case) while doctors ran tests on her. Joan explains to Page Six what made her wig almost float away into the night sky.
“We had been there for seven hours, and I started feeling dizzy. I tried to get some air, but I felt really faint. I wanted to leave in our limo, but Percy decided to call an ambulance. We went to the hospital, and they did all the tests before the doctors told me I was absolutely fine and released me.
The truth was, I made the wrong decision to wear a very tight dress, and had something rather like a Victorian swoon. The good news is, I am in good health and feel fine today.”
Nobody ever said that being glamorous is easy and Joan knows this. Who cares if Joan’s dress was so tight that her wig almost popped off. You crack a rib on the spot, hold your breath like a Simpson just farted, Spanx it up like Mimi and glue that wig to your head. You make the glamour happen because there’s no other option! While unoriginal whack ass starlets are stumbling out of parties because they’re too drunk, Joan is getting carried out by EMTs! Joan is redefining the dramatic stage left exit once again. That’s a real fucking star for you!