But Selena Kay Letourneau wrote him a tardy letter to take to his guardians, so it was all good. At the Vanity Fair post-Oscar party last night, the sparkling Pedialyte started flowing as soon as the Portia and Ellen of the playground set strolled through the front doors and caused all eyes to fall on them. And by “all eyes,” I mean all 3 of Vadge’s, because ho gives the stare as soon as she smells virgin toddler blood. But Justin Bieber didn’t seem to be bothered by Vadge sniffing on his goods to confirm that sure he’s of pure blood. The Bieb stayed with Selena most of the night and held her hand. Okay.
Once again, Selena is 18 years old and Bieber is 16. Why didn’t Chris Hansen parachute in, blow the whistle and instruct the FBI to drag Selena into the pedo van for booking? Not because I think she should, but because I really want to see Bieber break down into sad toddler tears while watching officers take his cougar girlfriend away. Speaking of sad tears…
In case you’ve ever wanted to get inside the head of a BELIEBER, check into a mental health facility now. But if you’re already in one and want to go deeper, here’s a video of Justin Bieber throwing subtle shade at the hands that spoon feed him.
My favorite part is when they tell Pedolena Gomez that she’s so beautiful, and she can’t even muster out a “thank you.” Even PedoBear has manners!