When I typed “raspberries” into one of the photo agency databases, this picture of the First Lady of New York, Sandra Lee, with a plate of Pissbury (Freudian slip that is staying) Cinnamon Rolls, sweetened Elmer’s glue and thawed out frozen raspberries came up first. It seemed like the most fitting image to go with the winners list from this year’s Razzie Awards. Because if anybody knows how to sweeten a semi-digested raspberry floating in a toilet, it’s Sandra Lee!!!!
Last night in Hollywood, the most-anticipated awards show of the season took place and lo and fucking behold, The Last Airbender and Sex and the City 2 were the big winners (aka losers)! The Last Airbender, a kidney stone that was expelled by the mind of M. Night Shamalamadingdong, won 5 golden dingle trophies including Worst Picture of the Year. SATC2, a menopause rash scraped off of SJP’s ass, won three awards including Worst Ensemble.
Normally, I’d whip out my shank at anybody who disrespects Mrs. Rojo Caliente, but she’s not innocent in this attack on humanity. Even I can agree on that. Besides, that gold-plated trophy will look extra special next to the gleaming garden of copper wires on Rojo Caliente’s head. It’s a win! And here’s a list of 2010’s worst of the worst:
THE LAST AIRBENDER
Ashton Kutcher / KILLERS and VALENTINE’S DAY
The Four “Gal Pals” / SEX & THE CITY #2
(Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis & Cynthia Nixon)
WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jessica Alba / THE KILLER INSIDE ME, LITTLE FOCKERS, MACHETE and VALENTINE’S DAY
WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Jackson Rathbone / THE LAST AIRBENDER and TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE
WORST EYE-GOUGING MIS-USE of 3-D (Special Category for 2010!)
THE LAST AIRBENDER (Released in “Fake 3-D”)
WORST SCREEN COUPLE / WORST SCREEN ENSEMBLE
The Entire Cast of SEX & THE CITY #2
M. Night Shyamalan / THE LAST AIRBENDER
LAST AIRBENDER Written by M. Night Shyamalan,
Based on the TV series created by Michael Dante DiMartino and Brian Konietzko
WORST PREQUEL, REMAKE, RIP-OFF or SEQUEL (Combined Category for 2010)
SEX & THE CITY #2
And now we know that the true killer inside MiserAlba is her acting skills. Spy Kids 4 starring MiserAlba is coming out soon, so it looks like she’s well on her way to topping her 2010 record. I can’t wait.
Congrats to all the Razzie recipients! They are the real winners in my bowels.