Two and a Half Men might be earthworm food, but Carlos Estevez is bringing bigger and better daily laughs with his insane rants directed towards at the show’s creator Chuck Lorre. When Charlie Sheen isn’t snorting up lines of win or controlling things with his mind, he’s calling into radio shows. And today, he picked up the phone and called into Pat “Let’s hire a hooker, Let’s get some coke” O’Brien’s radio show. I don’t really need to say much, because Charlie’s quotes are always so amazingly crazy that for years to come counselors will use them to determine whether or not their patients are crack damaged in the brains. “Does this Charlie Sheen quote make sense to you?” “Yes.” CRACK DAMAGED!
As always, TMZ has the audio, but here’s a few quotes. Charlie is even bringing Eminem into it!
Charlie on being clean and sober: “I’d 100% line up for a test, in front of anyone, only entrance fee is water. You can’t make a claim like that unless you are sitting on absolute gold.”
Charlie on not getting a paycheck from the producers: “Defeat is not an option. They know what they did was wrong they are in absolute breach [of contract] I did nothing wrong. They have picked a fight with the wrong guy. Defeat is not an option. I expressed an opinion, I have the first amendment to support me and I have an army marching behind me, to quote Eminem.”
Charlie on how the producers should take two pieces of Wonder Bread and rub his soft dick with them: “I put a billion dollars in the studio’s pockets and I put half a billion dollars in Chuck’s pocket. I should of been walking in to sandwiches, massages and hand jobs. Yeah, I said it!”
Charlie on how the producers told him to get his shit together: “Look, they said ‘change your life’ and I did, in like an hour. They might just be missing the old guy that was turning up every day and hitting gold.”
Charlie on Chuck Lorre and the show’s other creator: “These guys are a couple of AA Nazis and just blatant hypocrites.”
Charlie on if he would ever go back to the show: “Can you imagine going back into the sludge pit with those knuckleheads at this point? Can you imagine? It would go bad quickly.”
Charlie on how we haven’t seen the last of him yet: “Find the most comfortable seat in the house, lean back and watch – it’s about to get really gnarly.”
Gnarly? Did Gnarly Sheen just graduate from Ridgemont High or some shit? If the gnarly-ness Carlos is about to serve is as gnarly as the chewed-up bar of Wrigley’s in his mouth, then yeah, things are about to get really gnarly.