Hot Slut Of The Day!

Patrick Rogers of Philadelphia has proven that the goth kid in your economics class who spent the entire hour quietly carving the Skinny Puppy emblem into his tin Teletubbies lunchbox/make-up case was paying attention after all! Patrick the vampire turned his fangs on Wells Fargo after they tried to force him to pay a home insurance premium on a $1 million house when he bought his Victorian home (of course) for only $180,000. Vampire Patrick wrote Wells Fargo three letters asking them why they were doing this? Wells Fargo didn’t reply by sending Patrick an envelope full of garlic flakes. Those stupid bitches didn’t reply at all. So the vampire took the banker cowboys to court for breaking the Real Estate Settlement Procedures Act by not responding to his inquiries within 20 business days.

The court awarded Vampire Patrick $1,173, because Wells Fargo did not show up. When they didn’t pay the judgment either, Vampire Patrick started foreclosure proceedings on Wells Fargo’s Home Mortgage office located on North Delaware street. This is some “Fahgooo Iz Mine” shit.

The contents of Wells Fargo office were due to be auctioned in March, but when this mess started making the front page in Philadelphia, they quickly put a check for $1,173 in Vampire Patrick’s cold dead hands as well as a vial of their office manager’s blood as a “sorry.” Here’s Vampire Patrick telling his story:

My favorite part is that the reporter dude is never like, “Why the fuck are you wearing fangs?!” Not only has the vampire vs. banks war started off with a bang (or should I say, fang), but this is a giant step forward for vampire and human relations! Nan Flanagan is raising a fang for Patrick!

via Buzzfeed