QOTD: Why George Clooney Won’t Run For Office

George Clooney has been spending time in the Sudan trying to help the people free themselves from their government, so naturally some think that he might have political asspirations (an ass always stays, as does that typo). But the Norma Rae of the Sudan isn’t trying to become president of anything. Unless there’s a position available as president of bong water. George tells Newsweek (via HuffPo):

“I didn’t live my life in the right way for politics, you know. I fucked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth. (A savvy political figure) would start from the beginning by saying, ‘I did it all. I drank the bong water. Now let’s talk about issues.’ That’s gonna be my campaign slogan: ‘I drank the bong water.’ “

George has humped on a lot of baby chickens and has filled his body with enough mind-altering substances to keep Charlie Sheen occupied for about 10 minutes. Right? That’s pretty much what every politician writes under the “extracurricular activities” section of their resume. George and I must be watching a different channel, because he’s perfect for the job. Sign him up!