Charlie Sheen’s One-Time Porn Star Piece Wants You To Know She Had An Abortion

February 21, 2011 / Posted by:

Kacey Jordan is back on the troll stroll after telling Charlie Sheen that something other than a 16-inch dildo is knocking at the walls of her womb. Kacey texted Charlie over a week ago letting him know that she’s knocked up, but she’s pretty sure it isn’t his and she’s going to take care of it. Well, Kacey took care of it and the world no longer faces the terrifying possibility of being terrorized by a crack-smoking baby who beats up chandeliers and chokes out porn stars with his pudgy hands for stealing his Rolex rattle. Actually, that sorts of sounds adorable in a “the world is ending, so why the fuck not?” kind of way. But that’s not going to happen and that’s probably for the better.

Kacey tells Radar that even though she doesn’t think her unborn baby was made with Charlie’s street corner junkie sperm fishes, it could’ve belonged to another celebrity but she’s totally not sure. I’ll let Kacey tell you the rest in her own eloquent words:

“I had the abortion last Thursday, I went home to Oregon to have it because that is where I grew up. I was sick and on the couch all day. I think it might have been too soon to be Charlie’s baby, but you never know. I get pregnant very easily. Charlie and I tried to use protection… I kept having to put it on again. I don’t want people to think I just had sex with him and didn’t try to use one. I was just impressed he was able to finish really. A week earlier I had been with another celebrity, so it could of been his, but I can’t talk about him because I had to sign a release.”

Kacey cares about her pristine image and doesn’t want us to look at her as a bareback slut. But yet, she doesn’t care if we know that she’s had 4 abortions and doesn’t know who the father of her last unborn baby was? Directly file this first under: You’re not helping the “keep abortion legal” argument so please just eat a cup of birth control pills and STFU.

This little midget trollop is a mess! It’s like every Jerry Springer episode fornicated with each other and birthed out Kacey Jordan. Bitch could give Jerry a season worth of shows. I don’t know whether I should worship at her feet or stick my fingers in a bowl of hot Hazmat soap every time I type her name. I’m tempted to go with the former after reading this:

“I had a sugar daddy in New Jersey for 5 months, he bought me everything but then, he put the lockdown on me and I felt like I couldn’t do anything, and he was in control. You know, you get used to that lifestyle, then you end up having to do everything he says so you can keep it. I want to make my own money so I have freedom.

It is better to have lots of sugar daddies and rotate them. Yes, I want multiple sugar daddies.”

What a modern woman Kacey Jordan is. She’s too independent to be kept by one man yet she doesn’t mind being the pussy slave to multiple dudes. A freelance kept whore! Suddenly, Gloria Steinman’s world just got turned upside down. As is Justin Bieber’s who can barely wrap his toddler monkey brain around one abortion let alone four.

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